Exhaustion!

So tired...for the last week or so every night I am done at like 10:00. Sometimes I can make it until 10:30 but by then I am delirious and making no sense to anyone, except myself. Well, that's not true either because in the midst of incoherent ramblings the other night I did have the thought that I was incoherent and would be better off letting go and falling asleep than continuing to amuse Chris with my monologue.

We've wrangled out the issues that have arisen, but gosh, it takes way more mental energy than I would've imagined! Exhausting! For 2 hours the other night we sat and reworked the bridal shower, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and bachelor party. I was spent afterwards. Yesterday, I ordered most of the drinks, chips and paper goods from Sam's Club. They have a feature called "Click N' Pull" where you can order things online and then they will have it ready for you at the store. You can just go to customer service and pick it up. I've never had a Sam's Club membership before but I'm not really a big box shopper and I'm not sure if I'll continue to use the membership after the wedding. I'm also not sure it was faster to order the stuff online but it saved the hassle of wandering around a warehouse with 1000 other people on a weekend. But something about concentrating and sitting in front of the computer for too long...my eyes have not recovered!

Sunday my parents will be here and that will be a big help. But it will be a change in dynamic that will certainly play out in interesting ways. At this point though, I'm willing to tackle the family issues just to have someone near to be able to tackle this stuff for me. I am trying to get as much of the spending out of the way as I can. Since I feel that most of these wedding expenses are optional (ie. the size), I don't want anyone else to be saddled with that burded. I really have tried to keep this wedding within our means.

The truth of the matter is - we have no means. And because of that I've kept no budget. This went against most of the advice I saw about having a budget wedding - make a budget and keep to it. But it's not like we had years to save up for this. 3 months! And again, that was our choice and if I had it to do again it would still be 3 months. Even Chris admitted the other day that in hindsight, he'd have agreed to something more intimate, but at the time he knew nothing but huge, elaborate, church weddings. He also knew nothing about the costs of such things.

So instead of a budget, I've tried just to research items and find the best way of going about everything that a) is honest to who we are and b) is simple. When I can do that, the options seem to abound. Sometimes this means choosing what is a priority and going for it despite the cost. For instance, we have friends who own a little cafe close to the beach. On Sunday morning, Chris and I are going to take our family to breakfast there before we head out to south Florida. This is a priority to us, so it takes precedence. On the flip side, the church we have picked is beautiful in its simplicity. I thought some simple altar decorations would be fine, but last time we went in I realized that to ADD anything would TAKE AWAY from its modern, simplistic beauty. So adding floral decorations was not a priority, thus allowing us to make other decisions.

I have a spreadsheet with all the costs, so I know where the money is going and I can reel myself in if necessary (I am a girl after all and certain things do make me swoon and go the ATM). Cash gifts have gone directly into the wedding costs and it's funny how the few checks we've gotten have matched up, dollar to dollar, with upcoming expenses. I take that as a sign that I'm doing this the best way I know how.