Wedding Pictures

Some of our pictures are available here Jacqui!

A Promise

I promise to post later...I am internalizing all the stress and this is my promise for self-care :)

Feeling More Human

So, things seem to be a little back to normal in the ol' cranium today, so that's good.  Still tired and a little fuzzy but with Advil Migraine for me, who can be against me?  And I think Chris had previously turned the brightness on my computer monitor all the way up!  Egads! ::turning brightness very, very dim::

5 days and counting...and I'm feeling very normal.  A few people had told me that no matter "how calm" you proposed being in your wedding planning, by the time this part rolled around, everyone was guaranteed to be "bridezilla."  Well, I disagree.  I think I'm pretty far from bridezilla.  Exhausted, nervous, stressed out (a little)...all affirmatives.  But feeling like I need to control everything or make sure everything is in place...not so.

I mentioned yesterday the nixing of the wedding programs.  Well, they may be useful, but they just weren't worth it.  Even considering the work I had previously put in designing them on the computer somehow did not outweigh my dread of completing the task.  So I didn't.  I mean, it's not a Christmas pagent or a school play...it's a wedding...and not a complicated one at that.  True, there will be some nuances that even I'm not familiar with, but I realized we didn't even touch on them in the program.  I think everyone will get through it fine, and for my breech of etiquette I will gladly trade the disapproving thoughts for the hours spent lining margins up on the computer to the right width to bind the darn things with matching green raffia.

In not-so-great-turn-of-event news, my little nephew is sick, leaving my brother, sister-in-law, and niece (aka bridesmaid) uncertain as to their travel  plans.  Poor little dude!  I even surprised myself with calmness in the face of having one less bridesmaid and no makeup plans (sister-in-law is a makeup artist and had generously offered her services).  And of course if they can't come that is sad, but I want nephew to be well and not sick and a 2 day car ride is not condusive to being well or stress-free.  :(  So lots of warmth and prayers and good thoughts his way - imagine being 10 years old and sick before your Florida vacation!  That would be like...the end of the world!!

But behind all this is a little glimmer of excitement.  It's like I can finally see the forest through the trees, and I'm excited about the closeness of the things AFTER the wedding.  Like finally not living 55 minutes apart.  Not coming home to an empty house.  Laughing.  Not having to plan so much to do simple things.  Having a paddleboarding partner in the mornings.  Thinking about what adventures to have together.  Being able to count on each other.  Opportunities to grow.  These and various other thoughts have made me smile lately and I am finally starting to feel excited for all of these things to come. 

P.S. - It's still raining.  Sending Dad to Lowe's to look for some big rolls of plastic to staple gun to the house pilings (pretty sure that's not allowed in the rental agreement) to make some shelter on Saturday.

Migraines and PITA = Wedding Build Up

That's all I really have to say right now :)

But just to add a little bit more...

I do have a migraine
I bought enough cupcake holders for all 84 cupcakes
I wrapped all the family gifts
I had an argument over the food
I nixed the wedding programs (did I write that in another post?)
Chris is busy moving his stuff in here and busy being totally awesome

That's all for now...

All Things Considered

...so my parents are here! From now until the wedding! Yikes! I really can't believe that it's so close...no particular feelings of excitement, but I'm definately feeling nervous. I'm trying to stay with that feeling and it's not easy for me. I wake up in the morning with butterflies like I haven't felt since I was a little girl practicing to be a marshmallow in the 5th grade Christmas pageant. What marshmallows had to do with Christmas, I don't remember.

Last night I had crazy dreams. Dreams of high school and Key West and all sorts of strange things. I woke up at a 90 degree angle to the top of the bed and have an awful cramp in my neck and shoulders. I think the dreams were of unresolved issues. The dreams in no way helped me resolve anything, but I can't see any other link to all the randomness. Plus today I can't stop thinking about everyone and everything I dreamt about.

Things are starting to really feel like a dream now. Especially with my parents at the house - they haven't been here (together) in about 2 years. Next week as people start to arrive I'm sure it will get more surreal.

And it's because the feeling of surreal is starting to take over, Chris and I are trying to focus on the real. We've axed the cake cutting. In fact, we may end up not having a cake at all. It was pretty much the only reception "tradition" we had kept, but suddenly we realized that it just wasn't us. We were only doing it for the sake of tradition and not for authenticity. So out the window it went. I haven't been able to get ahold of my cake friend, so instead of freaking out (which I started to) I'm just going to go with the flow. If we get cake, great! We'll make a desert table. If not, great! We'll still make a desert table just maybe with Key Lime Pie and/or chocolate covered strawberries and maybe some ginger snaps. I don't know why I just wrote ginger snaps but I do love them so.

We're not making a rain plan. I started to wonder what we would do in case of inclement weather. All these months we had just been banking on sunshine and suddenly we had a month of rain, like clockwork, every afternoon - of course it got my brain moving. What would we do if...started going through my head. And then I had a vision of being in the beach house, rain pouring down, watching a movie on the couch. And it was a nice vision...very comforting. So I asked Chris and my MOH about what they thought we should do...and they both replied "nothing." No, MOH added "we'll be damp." So damp we'll be :) I can't fit 91 people in the beach house. I can fit 91 people underneath for food, but the plan was to utilize the beach mostly and have the house available as needed (to get out of the sun, bathroom, etc.). If it rains we'll just have to go with the flow. Literally.

Friday?

Is today Friday already? My to-do list started off today with 17 items and of 8:06 PM I still have...14 left! D'oh! Plus I just realized I need to go grocery shopping before my parents arrive otherwise they will want to buy groceries for me. So though I just started my blog posting I am abandoning it now in favor of the to-do list, the grocery list, and the comfort-food, deliciously smelling coconut cake I am baking in the oven to make both Chris and I feel a little bit better.

Goodnight!

Honeymooning

Destin, Florida from the air

With not a lot of time to plan, not a lot of money to spend, and with Chris' job focusing on school children (who are already back to school) we decided not to take a big honeymoon. Honestly, with both of us working from home and living so close to the beach, we do live an enviable life.

So we wanted to do something low key, with the idea that maybe next year we would go out west - maybe Montana or Wyoming to the national parks - but for now we would stay closer to home and just go for a few days.

We looked at places in Alabama and Georgia, places we wouldn't normally consider going. I even considered the east coast of Florida until I went to visit Chris in St. Augustine and realized that I'd rather stay home than stay there! But I love, love, love south Florida so much I kept getting drawn back to where we could go relatively cheaply and close to home.

The strange but cool thing about Florida is that it's so big. When I would drive from my parent's house in Maryland to my brother's house in Key West, Jacksonville was only the half way point - it was still another 12 hours even though I had officially "arrived" in Florida! I've spent the last 8 years on the northern part of the Gulf Coast but oh south Florida how I love you - especially the Keys. I no kidding dream about them at night.

So, of course I looked at options along the Keys. I wanted somewhere new, somewhere fresh so I stayed away from looking at Key West and thought about exploring the back country Keys that I never visited. There were a lot of options, and at do-able prices, but the drive would take up most of our precious few days. 12 hours from Fort Walton Beach on a good day. The Keys would have to wait. And yes, I realize we could fly, but something about people in Florida you just end up driving even though if I were going ANYWHERE else that were 12 hours away I'd be looking at flights.

An 8 hour drive would be fine with both of us taking turns. I mean I'm a driver but I didn't want to spend time recuperating from the drive. So to brainstorm we turned to oh-so-handy Google maps and explored the Gulf Coast of Florida vicariously. And it really helped. I knew I wanted as warm as we could get so geographically we were looking south of Tampa. Chris wanted something quiet where we could do nothing - so Clearwater, St. Pete, and pretty much all of the east coast were out. Turns out along the Gulf Coast are tons of little islands and keys. We started our search at Sanibel Island - I had heard of it and Chris had been there. It seemed to be the perfect, quiet place.

I don't remember how the search evolved but we ended up finding this place - The Turtle Beach Resort. We both knew it was the right place and after checking out the website made the reservations that day. OF COURSE then I started looking online for reviews before realizing (for the millionth time) that is not the best thing to do. I mean, chances are if you're taking the time to write a review your stay was either exceptionally positive or negative enough to annoy you.

But I am really excited and hope it is a good time! The people we've spoken too so far have been very helpful, and I'm sure we'll be happy there. They have all sorts of fun things to do in terms of kayaking and snorkeling and we'll take kiteboards and maybe we can borrow a surfboard or two. It's a part of Florida I've never visited so I'm excited about that! An adventure close to home!

Exhaustion!

So tired...for the last week or so every night I am done at like 10:00. Sometimes I can make it until 10:30 but by then I am delirious and making no sense to anyone, except myself. Well, that's not true either because in the midst of incoherent ramblings the other night I did have the thought that I was incoherent and would be better off letting go and falling asleep than continuing to amuse Chris with my monologue.

We've wrangled out the issues that have arisen, but gosh, it takes way more mental energy than I would've imagined! Exhausting! For 2 hours the other night we sat and reworked the bridal shower, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and bachelor party. I was spent afterwards. Yesterday, I ordered most of the drinks, chips and paper goods from Sam's Club. They have a feature called "Click N' Pull" where you can order things online and then they will have it ready for you at the store. You can just go to customer service and pick it up. I've never had a Sam's Club membership before but I'm not really a big box shopper and I'm not sure if I'll continue to use the membership after the wedding. I'm also not sure it was faster to order the stuff online but it saved the hassle of wandering around a warehouse with 1000 other people on a weekend. But something about concentrating and sitting in front of the computer for too long...my eyes have not recovered!

Sunday my parents will be here and that will be a big help. But it will be a change in dynamic that will certainly play out in interesting ways. At this point though, I'm willing to tackle the family issues just to have someone near to be able to tackle this stuff for me. I am trying to get as much of the spending out of the way as I can. Since I feel that most of these wedding expenses are optional (ie. the size), I don't want anyone else to be saddled with that burded. I really have tried to keep this wedding within our means.

The truth of the matter is - we have no means. And because of that I've kept no budget. This went against most of the advice I saw about having a budget wedding - make a budget and keep to it. But it's not like we had years to save up for this. 3 months! And again, that was our choice and if I had it to do again it would still be 3 months. Even Chris admitted the other day that in hindsight, he'd have agreed to something more intimate, but at the time he knew nothing but huge, elaborate, church weddings. He also knew nothing about the costs of such things.

So instead of a budget, I've tried just to research items and find the best way of going about everything that a) is honest to who we are and b) is simple. When I can do that, the options seem to abound. Sometimes this means choosing what is a priority and going for it despite the cost. For instance, we have friends who own a little cafe close to the beach. On Sunday morning, Chris and I are going to take our family to breakfast there before we head out to south Florida. This is a priority to us, so it takes precedence. On the flip side, the church we have picked is beautiful in its simplicity. I thought some simple altar decorations would be fine, but last time we went in I realized that to ADD anything would TAKE AWAY from its modern, simplistic beauty. So adding floral decorations was not a priority, thus allowing us to make other decisions.

I have a spreadsheet with all the costs, so I know where the money is going and I can reel myself in if necessary (I am a girl after all and certain things do make me swoon and go the ATM). Cash gifts have gone directly into the wedding costs and it's funny how the few checks we've gotten have matched up, dollar to dollar, with upcoming expenses. I take that as a sign that I'm doing this the best way I know how.

Feast of Trumpets

This is a cool sidebar story to the wedding that I've been meaning to tell, but it's complicated and I'm no biblical scholar, so I've held off...but today I'm going to go ahead and take a stab at it because I think it's really awesome and a great bit of history.

I may have comprimised on a church wedding, but I wasn't comprimising on the time of year of the wedding! Most Catholic engagements (so I hear) are anywhere from 6 months to a year long. Because of our living and personal situations that wasn't going to work and simply because I'm more happy in the sun (cue Ben Harper), six months would put us right around Christmas and a year...well, that just wasn't in the plan.

To make a long story short, a September wedding was okayed by the priest and there were 3 weekends available - the 12th, 19th, and 25th. The 12th wouldn't work as I already knew a great friend who wouldn't be able to make it, and why wait until the 25th if the 19th were open? Plus, the 19th is my parents' anniversary - their 33rd (I think ::oops::). So we picked the 19th.

Meanwhile, since January I've been doing a study to read the Bible in one year. One of many funny vignets from my chaplaincy has to do with a patient requesting a certain passage regarding a certain topic and me trying in vain to flip through 1000 pages and ending up reading from one of the most theologically complicated scriptures in the whole Bible. So, I joined a study and have really enjoyed it.

Part of what is making it so enjoyable is that the perspective is very Jewish and a lot of focus is on a Jewish interpretation - after all neither the writers of the Bible, nor Jesus, were Christian. One particular topic I've found interesting are the seven feasts of the Old Testament people. It is believed that Jesus' life fulfilled 4 of these feasts literally. One of the ones that has not been literally fulfilled is called The Feast of Trumpets, or Rosh Hashanah. In 2009, that feast day falls on September 19th. So, I've tried to learn a little about this feast!

Rosh Ha-Shanah, pronounced rohsh hah SHAH nah or pronounced rohsh hah shah NAH, is the Jewish New Year celebration. The Hebrew words Rosh Ha-Shanah (which are also written Rosh Hashanah) mean Beginning of the Year. During this solemn religious festival, Jews pray for God's forgiveness, for a good year, and for long life. Rosh Ha-Shanah usually begins in September, on the first day of the Hebrew month of Tishri, and lasts two days. Some Reform Jews celebrate it for one day.

Rosh Ha-Shanah begins the Ten Days of Penitence, which end on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Jews believe Rosh Ha-Shanah is the beginning of God's annual judgment of humanity. At that time, God decides who will continue to live and who will die during the coming year. (http://www.annieshomepage.com/trumpets.html)

So neat! The day that our new adventure starts, matches up with the history of the Jewish people...love it! One website I found even mentioned the theory among some scholars that Jesus Christ was born on this day (the 1st of Tishri). Christians refer to this day not as Rosh Hashanah but as the Feast of Trumpets, and I found this great quote:

God does not do things in vain, or without purpose. The Old Testament Holy Days were not just some sort of Divine make-work project to keep the Israelites busy while they were out wandering in the desert. All of the Old Testament Holy Days (Passover, Days of Unleavened Bread, The Feast of Weeks, The Feast of Trumpets, The Day of Atonement, The Festival of Tabernacles and the Last Day) were, and continue to be, living symbols of the stages of God's Plan of Salvation for ALLhumanity.

I'm not really a church person but I love true Christianity so passionately and I am really starting to see how deeply it's rooted in Hebrew tradition. How exciting that I am able to see that played out in our day. Our "feast" starts on the 18th and runs through the 20th as does this particular one, in this particular year. During some feast day ceremonies prayers are said next to moving bodies of water - our prayers for our celebration will be held next to the Gulf of Mexico :)

This has been such an encouragement to me, especially as we get closer to the wedding and it seems like more and more Catholic/non-Catholic issues arise. It's been hard not to take it all personally, and the last few days as I've been researching this, and considering sharing some of the research, I realized that the circumstances around me are not as big as they sometimes feel. There is a bigger picture for all of us! Yay!

So...

Well, I don't really have that much to say about the pre-marital weekend. I went in with an open mind and though the people were wonderful and the place was beautiful, it was difficult to sit through 2.5 days of it.

Having said that, I loved (loved!) the history of the monastery where we stayed. It was like going into a secret society. Not that it's secret to Catholics, but to me I didn't realize that there were still orders of cloistered nuns. It was a beautful old building, and from looking at the website I realized we only had access to a very small, public section. What history behind these walls and what sweet, wonderful people living their lives within them. I love history of all kinds. Growing up in Maryland I loved the stories of the deep south and it's so neat that I've gotten to live here and experience places like Mobile, Pensacola, and New Orleans. Places that seemed so romantic and fictional when I was young...yet, I feel ready to consider moving on :)

And really there's nothing much in the way of wedding planning going on right now. It's probably the lull before the storm. I've taken care of just about everything I can for now and probably won't start back in full force until my folks get here at the end of next week. For right now we're still working on house stuff. We laughingly realized yesterday that mowing the yard and tilling the garden are really part of the wedding plans, as I need to have the house looking at least fairly decent before my mom and dad get here. Two things that must get done tonight are picking out the recessional song and finishing the programs. We're definately not keen on traditional wedding music and we picked a processional song but not a recessional. Egad, the details. The home improvement items really are a welcome relief from my wedding plans.

So far the RSVPs stand at 91 affirmatives. Yikes! 91 people! At least! I thought 60 or 70 would respond at most, but 91 is right at the estimated positive replies for 130 invites.

My mom just called as I was typing to say my dress was in so that is a huge relief...I kinda went way outside the traditional for my dress choosing process. Mom went to a little boutique that a few girls I went to high school with opened to find her dress. While she was there she talked to the owners and they actually sent me links for some ideas, and of course I loved one of them, and of course they are actually the only dealer for that particular designer on the east coast. Needless to say, though I was nervous about how "untraditional" the dress looked, I really thought it was cool! Next time mom went into the shop, they had a sample and mom called right away to say that it was really beautiful and that being it's an empire waist it didn't need much alterations, and it was simply put together so any alterations could be done quickly and maybe even by her. Chris gave it his okay too (I figured he might as well like the dress) and we went with the dress sight unseen.

Now, I've come to realize that many brides go through "dress remorse" and I started to do that, but I also realized one CAN'T do that. There's billions of dresses and for sure one or two or 100 will later seem like a better choice than the one you made. So, my usually brooding personality made a concerted effort not to go to the grass is always greener mentality. BUT I did need to have a backup in case the dress did not arrive (it wasn't slated to arrive until next week) OR was absolutely tear-jerkingly hideous on me. So my backup is JCrew...classic and simple and can be overnighted :) But my exercise/diet program (through which I have lost 13 pounds!) has been slacking lately with the excuse "it's an empire waist..." I think I should take the last three weeks and not use that excuse any more!

So, what a surprise right while I'm writing the blog :) How fun.

Ugh...

Not feeling well. The last few days I have felt really out of sorts...feverish, dizzy. Finally today I woke up with a sore throat and two ear aches :( We leave tomorrow for Mobile, Alabama for our weekend "marriage prep" class. Our priest is so nice, and he knows us both really well and our stories, so this is the only hoop we're having to jump through. I really can't complain. But (since I can :) I FORGOT IT WAS THURSDAY! So I'm busy talking on the phone about how we're leaving on Friday...but tomorrow is Friday...

So, the first load of laundry is in at 10:00 PM, I saved the other half of my smoothie to drink in the morning, and I'm off to lay down.

But I did find this great DIY today...I love terra cotta pots, and after my first Modge Podge attempt on the cupcake tree I'm into perfecting the art and using up the surfboard wrapping paper I bought. And, I spy from my little computer an empty terra cotta pot just waiting for some color!

So, I'm sure I'll have a lot to say when I get back from this premarital class, hopefully all good!

Flying Time

Ugh...almost a week since my last post! Granted, I did two-for-one that day, but still. Even in Florida summer is winding down, kids are back in school. And it's been the busiest summer for me - way busier than I expected. Not much beach time and usually I would hate that, but I'm having fun doing what I'm doing...getting the house ready, making wedding plans...there will be plenty of time for kiteboarding and wakeboading and surfing once the wedding is over.

A couple of exciting things happened this week wedding wise. First I got my awesome painted wine glasses!

I really like how these turned out! But the picture's probably kinda junky and doesn't do them justice. I came across these wine glasses on Etsy.com and just loved them. But, in black, they are too formal. So I contacted the seller who bent over backwards to find samples of colors she could do for me. Since these are wedding favors for my family, I wanted them to be fun but special. I decided on a few mauve, a few pewter, and then mostly turquoise to match my beach theme.

Paula was so helpful and so communicative that I'd definately recommend her store (pauladesigns.etsy.com). She thought of everything, even including extra tissue paper (knowing that these were wedding favors) and a cute black and white damask key chain that's really well made! Unfortunately, a few of the glasses broke somewhere in transit, despite her best efforts and packing, but I'm sure that'll be resolved. I've currently got a few other things purchased on Etsy but none of the other sellers have been nearly as timely or as pleasant to work with.

I didn't even know about Etsy until I started this whole wedding process...well, I think that may not be true now I've written it. My mom is involved in a knitting group and I think I remember the site being mentioned as kind of like eBay for crafts. I don't know if it's like eBay, but what cool stuff you can find there and it's all handmade! So, to anyone trying to DIY weddings...I'd head to Etsy first and see what you can find before taking on the challenges yourself.

And, of course speaking of taking on challenges myself, my maid of honor, Erin, was in town working this week. Though she lives in Connecticut she's in the Air Force Reserve and is stationed here at Eglin AFB so I get to see her once or twice a year without even trying :) We got a lot of planning done...did I mention she's in public affairs? That means we sit down and hash things out and get a lot accomplished! We had both been so focused on the wedding I guess we thought a little reception fairy was going to come down and plan out the reception for us. I mean, I know what I wanted, and we have the site...but as for logistics...oops. But we got it kicked out and we both feel a lot better. I've got some great friends who are going to act as hostesses...entertaining and getting things started while we're in the church taking pictures. We want people to go ahead and start eating and drinking so that when we get there we can do the cake and toasts and then set people free to enjoy the beach while we finish up pictures before joining them ourselves. It's a simple plan but took a little bit of coordination before either Erin or I felt comfortable with it.

We weathered the first tropical storm of the season (Claudette) and it's left me with an awful headache for the last 4 days. So enough of staring at a computer screen for now!

Not So Sweet Things

It caught my attention as I finished that last blog that I've written a lot lately about things and not so much about me wandering through all of these things. And maybe because as the challenges are mounting, it's easier to focus on the fun parts. But that's not why I decided to start the blog after years of promising myself I never would blog anything. What kind of word is blog anyway?

I regress. To avoid the touchy subject that not everyone is thrilled with our decision to get married. In fact, it looks as though some people really don't like one or the other of us very much. At all.

Now, I have realized over the years (slowly and painfully) that not all people will like all people. And I'm okay with that. What I am absolutely not okay with is pretending or any kind of falsehood where people smile, laugh, and generally act as if they are friend but they are not and let everyone except you know they are not. I have also learned that sometimes a friend turns out not to be a friend. And I'm okay with that too. I'd rather know. I have a lot of love and not a lot of time to share it.

So I feel bad that Chris has been having a crash course in these lessons this week. But I'm not really that sad about it. In fact, I feel kind of relieved. For the last few weeks I've been having the recurring thought that weddings - and the planning thereof - introduce all sorts of new dynamics in relationships. In fact, I was wondering if you can really learn who your true friends are in these situations. Of course I was thinking more about my own relationships but it seems that this is playing out to be pretty accurate. I say this knowing that no assumption can be made that is 100% accurate all of the time.

But ouch, what a time to learn these things. What a time to realize that people who you invited to celebrate aren't so much for celebrating your happiness but for attending a social event and then spreading gossip about what may or may not take place. Or really spreading gossip about their perception of what's taking place. What a time to realize smiles and laughs are simply covers. I guess not so much a realization as it is a reminder. And there's probably no better time.

All of us are wounded. Some people realize this, some people don't. Some integrate their woundedness, some project it onto others. The first time I heard the dreaded "I have some strong reservations about you marrying her (her being me)" though I didn't own what was being projected on to me, I still got that awful butterflies in the stomach feeling. This time, it was much easier. The discomfort was fleeting, if at all. The issue really isn't about us getting married, it goes beyond that. We are simply the focal point bringing hurts, fears, and discomforts to the surface.

What an interesting time.

Sweet Things

So, I haven't forgotten to post the cake idea :) I've got a friend who has in the last year or two become a fabulous baker so we've enlisted her help in this cake project. See, my first thought was that our local grocery store has an AWESOME bakery. Really awesome. Everytime someone has a birthday it's like duh, let's get the cake from Publix. So they were my first choice, but when I saw the cost for something basic and well, from Publix, I started brainstorming and I thought of Jordan. She made the cake for our mutual friend's 2nd birthday and it was delicious. So she agreed and I laid out my plan.

For the cake we "cut" (one of the few wedding traditions we will probably keep though I reserve the right to change my mind) we're doing using a Wilton Palm Tree Cake Pan. I guess Wilton only makes their pans for certain years so finding the Palm Tree was an effort, but I finally did on eBay. Then when it arrived it was in less than stellar shape (like the person had bought 100 and stored them in the bottom of their closet to sell later for $$). Alas, the seller was in no mood to deal with the dents so I sucked it up and let it go. Jordan is testing the cake pan as we speak and we figure anything denty can get covered in yummy buttercream. Yes a french vanilla cake with coconut buttercream icing and some fresh berry decorations as opposed to the candy ones from the site.

So, as you've already seen my cupcake tree we're also going to do cupcakes for everyone. That way the cupcakes can be consumed as people want. No stress. Keeping with the beachy theme I found these cupcake wrappers. We'll do the same french vanilla cake but just a vanilla buttercreme that's colored to match the water on our beaches. And, just because I found them and thought they were cute we got these hardened sugar surfboards. Tee hee.

In the end this is not cheaper than if I had bought the cake from Publix but it'll taste 1000 times better and it's way more personalized. I love it and I love everyone will get to taste some of Jordan's yummy creations!

The House

I thought this week that I was taking a break from wedding planning (for the most part) and just going to focus on getting the house together. I love this house but I bought it when the housing market was at it's peak. It KILLED me...I knew I was paying way too much but I had no idea when the housing market would go back down, so I had to bite the bullet. Instead of looking at the house as an investment, or something to flip (the lady I bought it from in 2001 sold it for $50K more in 2006 doing NO repeat NO renovations and actually letting it deteriorate) I was buying it as a house...imagine that...to live in.

But because the market was out of control, the upper limit of my price range afforded me a home in a questionable neighborhood with no kitchen and no bathroom as big items, with a myriad of other smaller items to be dealt with along the way (think a long the lines of replacing ceiling fans, painting rooms, etc.). The plus to this house was that when I walked inside I could totally see it's potential. For instance, beautiful hardwood flooring under layers of carpet. Sure, the house is on a busy thoroughfare, but the house is on the sidewalk side of the road, and I can walk to a beautiful park as well as the bay in a few minutes. In fact the house is close enough to the higher end waterfront neighborhood that sometimes I drive through it just for it's beauty and to remind me that it's "my neighborhood."

But it's been a long three years and a lot of work. I don't have a lot of money so things have been slow but fruitful. For instance, the wood floors in two rooms have been refinished. I made a tile mosaic on the bathroom floor, got a new tub installed, painted the walls, and added some beadboard for Florida cottage charm. The biggest project thus far has been the kitchen. It's tiny so no contractors wanted to deal with it - it wasn't a big enough money maker (for instance I was quoted $250/sq. ft. for countertops because I only needed 25 sq. feet and they didn't want the job). As fortunate shined on me in this situation, I have a good friend who does high end cabinetry and he offered, for cost of materials only and my labor, to build the cabinets for me. So since April that is what has taken up most of my free time. At this point it's more than 50% finished (maybe even 75%) but with the heat of summer I haven't been knocking on my friend's door to sweat my you-know-what off everyday. We're getting there though. Installing some of the doors this week on the cabinets made a big difference in my outlook and I'm now reinvigorate it to get it finished ESPECIALLY now with the wedding coming. I want it to be done and over before my family gets here next month...about this time! Yikes!

But an unexpected remodeling job has added to the mix. One night while reading in my bedroom I looked over at Chris to see his feet hanging off the end of my double bed. Also at that moment I realized he puts out a lot of heat! I was uncomfortably hot just sitting there next to him. I realized that didn't bode well for our future sleeping patterns and the hunt for a new and bigger bed was on. Again, fortune shined on us and through a strange three way trade I won't go into we ended up with a fairly new fairly unused king sized bed. Now, my bedroom is in no way big enough for a king sized bed. When we were looking to buy (ie. looking to add to the registry) we were thinking queen at most. But the king is here and we're going to make it work.

So, ever the project minded girl I have become, I thought when would I have another chance to have a bed out of the bedroom (the king has taken up residence for the last month in the breezeway, tilted up against one wall...a nice sight to see upon entering the house :)? Never. So let's no holds barred redo the bedroom!! OF COURSE THAT'S A GREAT IDEA WITH A KITCHEN IN SHAMBLES AND A WEDDING IN 6 WEEKS!

Well, I thought it was a great idea at first. Marvelous ideas like redoing the wood floor in the bedroom and expanding the closet all seemed possible and within my reach. Chris and I picked out new colors for the walls before he left for St. Augustine and I determined to have it all back in mint condition before he got back. August, after all, seemed so far away and three weeks was an eternity.

I am looking at him right now, peacefully working on his computer. If I turn my head a slight bit to the left I see the bed, still just as peaceful, propped up in the breezeway. I didn't get the bedroom done. Well, I didn't get it done the way I thought I would a month ago, but I think it'll all turn out just fine. But I haven't posted much in the last week because it's been my sole focus. I had a contractor come over who wanted over $700 just to widen the door of the closet and install some sliding doors (not widen the closet itself mind you). I chose to take 2 big garbage bags full of clothes to the Waterfront Mission instead and took the door off the closet (the point of sliding doors was because with the king in this bedroom there won't be much room for closet doors opening!). Anyway, there's plenty of room in this little closet now. After much back and forth between refinishing the wood floors and painting them white (a trendy idea that I have fallen in and out of love with many times these past few weeks) I decided to do nothing to them. Nothing. I decided making a decision in haste was one I would regret later. I found a great deal on a sisal rug from overstock.com (normally $500 delivered and at my door two days later for less than $190) and I will cover the worn wood and old paint spots with that until the time comes when the decision about the floors can be made without urgency.

The walls have gone from glossy school bus yellow to a light blue-grey ("Rising Tide" actually). Chris, amazingly in my opinion, opted for a very subtle but still noticeable lavender hued trim color. Though it took 3 gallons of paint to get rid of the yellow, it's finally gone. Last night, late, the walls the trim and as a last minute addition the ceiling is all shiny and new.

Today we'll put down the rug, set up the bed, move the furniture back in, hang some old pictures, hang some new...and it'll be done. But I shared this story because though I thought I wasn't doing wedding planning, I really have been. This project was just as important to me as picking out cake flavors, or making invitations, or planning the ceremony. This is the real life stuff that happens post-wedding. And for me, September 20th will ultimately be more meaningful than September 19th.

Food...and other Yummy Things

So I've decided on a menu:

BBQ Chicken
Fried Grouper
Red Skin Potato Salad
Sliced Veggies (normal carrots, celery, etc.)
Sliced Watermelon and Canteloupe
Grilled Corn on the Cob
Grilled Vidalia Onions

I feel like I've learned so much. A month ago I would've been worried about the food likes/dislikes of each guest. But though I did start to go down that path I really let it go. And this is silly, but I even told my Dad that he'd have to be okay with soda at the wedding LOL. He's really anti-soda. Beer okay. Wine okay. Soda...not so much. But I just set it out there and it was fine. It's the small battles!

I have been doing less wedding planning this week and more living planning. Painting the bedroom, working on the kitchen cabinets, making sure the laundry's done, and considering mowing the lawn. All those little things that make up day to day living...

The Difference 20 Years Makes

The last time my family was entirely together - at my oldest brother's wedding in 1989. Now we have his son and daughter to add to the family picture!

I'll post tomorrow...trying to sort living through today is enough without having to sort blogging through today :)

Crafty

We've received a few wedding gifts and though Chris is out of town, he knows me well enough to know that to sit a present in front of me for three weeks to stare at hour after hour is not going to go over well...so over the last week I've been thinking about how to do our thank you notes.

It really wasn't hard because of some items I had purchased for the invites. The invite envelope was pretty plain so I bought a cute palm tree stamp and some green ink from the craft store. We stamped the back of the invitation envelopes (kind of like a seal) and then just to add some color to the front, I also stamped the bottom left corner of the envelope. The stamp and ink were on sale that day so I think it all cost me less than $7. But I wondered if I'd ever use it again. Turns out I did!

Yesterday I went to A.C. Moore and got some plain white note cards with envelopes. This actually was a lot harder than I thought because A.C. Moore is like a craft overload and I couldn't find anything, much less anyone to help me find anything. I found super cute thank you cards for about $6/10 pack which wasn't bad, but I had this desire to make my own and I didn't want to admit defeat yet! Finally I came across some plain white ones but they were still hovering around $5-6/10 pack, and I knew for that price I'd rather get the cute decorated ones. Finally, I found what I was looking for...of course, near the floor where I had to like reach my fingers in and pry them out...but a pack of 25 cards and envelopes for $7. Yippee! I also should mention that it was easier to find larger cards than smaller ones. I wanted 4*5 or thereabouts and I seemed to come across a lot of half fold sheets of paper as well as postcard type note cards.

Now my original thought was to get another rubber stamp, like the palm tree, that said "thanks." I thought I'd stamp that on the outside of the card, and use the palm tree like a seal on the back of the envelope OR maybe do the palm tree on the front with "thanks" underneath it. Well, I found a "thanks" that was the right size for the ink pads I already have but really I wanted a thank you. So, I settled for the "thanks" stamp and went up to pay for my items but felt a little unsure. The stamps in A.C. Moore are not easily priced. They seem to have alphabetical stickers on them indicating a price range...this "thanks" stamp was a "G" and according to the "G" legend it was $12!! I thought "that can't be right" and took it up front to check out.

Well, the bad news was it was right. And when the girl rang it up she said "do you know this is $12?" like why in the world would you spend that much on this. I agreed that it was robbery but I bought it anyway thinking, well maybe my budget thank-yous will at least still be cheaper than the others...though maybe not as worth it to make my own. The disappointment was tempered when the card packs rang up at $5 each! So $15 for 75 thank yous seemed pretty good. Now what was I going to do about the stamp which almost doubled my cost?

As you can see, I decided it wasn't worth it. The cards didn't need to say thank you on the front and when I played with the stamp (inkless of course) "thanks" was too small by itself and with the palm tree there was not enough room on the card. So on my to-do list today is "return stamp."

I practiced a few times with the cards as my initial thought was 1 palm tree on the outside. But I couldn't get it centered! So I added 2 on either side and now as I stamp the cards, if I'm not quite centered with the middle one, it doesn't look as atrocious. When people read the inside they'll know it's a thank you card, and can probably guess what it is when they see it in the mailbox.

I'm really happy with the design, the budget, and with the fact that I can use the palm tree stamp and extra green ink that I bought for the invitations. It's not that I want to be miserly, especially as I am really sincere in the thanks that I am giving but I don't want to be wasteful or consumerist just for the sake of being so. Or being a bride as the case may be.

Some cheese with that whine?

It seems that because our wedding is so close, I really dove in and got A LOT done in the first 6 weeks! Now, it's a wait-and-see type of situation. Everything that needed to get done, has been done and it'll be another 10 days/2 weeks until we get into a crunch situation again. So here I sit at the computer, just desperately needing something to do!

I've been a lot more self-aware when it comes to my need to obsess...most of the time :) But wow, it sneaks up when I least expect it. I have, thank goodness, begun to recognize it by the butterflies in my stomach. Yep, if I get too carried away with what type of wine we need to get and start mixing and matching cases for individual people's wants/needs...I shut the browser. And once I have a moment to think about it (logically) I realize that I already HAD the right answer 45 minutes earlier, but I passed it over for something more complex and usually more expensive. Take the wine for example...I've been to 100s of parties/dinners/get-togethers where we have Yellow Tail. I LOVE Yellow Tail. It got me through graduate school. But today, searching through online wine outsources, I came across Yellow Tail and had the thought:

Perfect

But, alas, my integration does not work quickly and I continued searching out different wines from various exotic locales. Searching, searching...what would be universally liked and within my budget...searching, searching...stomach knotting, sweat beads as I added wine to my cart seeing the exorbitant shipping costs...searching, searching...and then it hit me:

Yellow Tail

I love Yellow Tail. Until my encounter with my favorite Italian who introduced me to Sangiovese, any type of Yellow Tail had been my staple. I've never been embarrassed to offer a dinner guest Yellow Tail - why would it be any different at my wedding? Yet somehow, it snuck up on me - that little caricature of a horned, pitchfork holding Martha Stewart or an editor of The Knot (or worse yet, one of its readers!) sitting on my shoulder, exasperated and shaking their heads at me that I didn't pick that highly rated Chilean mix, renowned for its versatility and clean taste. For once, I gave a good shake and Martha was gone, along with her minions. Yellow Tail it is. Maybe Shiraz and Pinot Grigio - it will be September in Florida, I'm not sure a Cabernet and Chardonnay would go down well in the heat. Maybe I'll make Sangria...or maybe I'll set out some sliced fruit and ginger ale with a sign that says "Poor Couples Sangria."

That sounds better.

P.S. - Check out this bouquet of sunflowers. I love it! But do not remember where it came from! Sorry! I think this, with some sprigs of fresh rosemary from my garden will be perfect!

Trying to do it myself...

Sonny supervising the cupcake tree project

So besides the invitations, which weren't half bad, the next biggest item on my list thus far was ::drum roll, please:: the cupcake tree. We're doing some fun stuff with the traditional cake idea and I needed a cupcake tree. The only ones I could find in stores were way too fancy...I don't need 7 sterling silver cupcake trees hanging around my house for the next few years...

Following a never ending interweb trail I ended up here looking at tons of different photos for decorate-able options. Now they may be marketed as "eco-friendly" or "recyclable" but in the end they are corrugated cardboard - and right in my price range!


When thinking about how to decorate I remembered I had 4 rolls of a cool surf themed wrapping paper that I had intended to use as a wall covering (before I learned how hard it is to get texture off of walls) and now was just sitting around. As part of this project, I had learned a little bit about decoupaging...but certainly not enough. Anyway, I thought why not decoupage the tree? So I did.

It really wasn't that hard. I simply traced the circles of the tree onto the wrapping paper and cut them out. I tried to stay on the line (thanks nursery school!) but wasn't too careful...and later on I realized it was actually easier to go back and trim after everything was pasted on.

Speaking of the pasting, that was trickier than I thought. I decided to paste on the brown, reverse side of the circles but I got a lot of ridges. I thought this would be solved by pasting on the white side...but it wasn't really. I blame my lack of experience with the technique. Also, when the paste/decoupage glue dried on the cardboard with the wrapping paper covering, the circles curled. I had to work hard to straighten them back out in the morning and they never were completely flat again. If I had to do it over (and I know this because I accidentally did) I would cover the brown reverse side in the glue as well. The one I did (accidentally) as well as the top tier (which had two sides of wrapping as I was trying to figure out which was better) stayed nice and flat.

Another area where I wasn't too happy with the result was with the decoupage on the paper itself. I got a lot of ridges where I brushed it on. Again, I blame my newbie technique, though I did see the instructions allowed for a 400-grit sanding between coats of glue. I was too lazy and unwilling to spend the cash on 400 grit sandpaper for my bargain application, but before I do any further decoupaging I'll give it a shot. Nor was I patient enough to get out all the air bubbles...but that's neither here nor there...

Then I simply hot glued some aqua (or "pool" for those keeping up with my "theme") grosgrain ribbon to cover the cardboard look. That was easy, and very unstressful after my glue issues.


So voila...the final product. Not too shabby! If I had to do it again (for anyone that may be interested):

1. Glue both sides of the tiers
2. Get the special decoupage tool (or buy some Popsicle sticks) to smooth out the air bubbles.
3. Be certain you are opening the holes for the feet in the separators in the correct spot (oops)
4. Don't use a foam brush to apply the glue (just like with painting - the better the brush the better the outcome)
5. Paint the separators...I simply glued grosgrain on the edges to cover the naked cardboard but it really didn't do that much. Maybe a coat of a neutral or darker paint would add to the illusion of substance

So that's it! Off to bed!

Yikes!

Time is going by fast! I will post later this afternoon...summary...made AWESOME cupcake tree (if I do say so myself), went on a whirlwind trip to St. Augustine, and today off to pick up a BM dress and see some sunflowers in person.

Back to Basics

If nothing else this week, I've become aware (more aware?) of my tendency to over-control in times of stress. Normally, I'm a pretty laid back gal. But gosh, get me in a situation where I'm not quite confident and it looks like I turn into a control freak. I wouldn't have guessed that about myself. Other people probably would have!

So I've sworn off all bridal websites except for the one I'm using where all my guests are listed. Yesterday, an email from the photographer set off another controlling frenzy of "oh, what if we miss this picture or that picture..." Ya know what? We're going to have pictures out the wazoo. As long as I have some nice ones of Chris and I, my brothers, and mom and dad that'll be fine. I don't need 20 shots of the bridal party. I'll look at them, put them in an album, and there they'll stay - is that worth my stress? Nope.

Yesterday I went on the boat for the first time in a few weeks. It felt so good to be in the water. It felt better to be in the water laying on the board, waiting for the boat to circle back around then it actually did to ride, which was strange. Even though we were wakesurfing instead of wakeboarding, and in and of itself that's more chill, the riding was too intense. I just wanted to lay and float. It's been a little cool here for about a week and the water was chilly to get into but perfect after a few minutes. But between stationary computer geeking and trying to lose weight quickly, I didn't have much stamina. Here I was trying to relax and I couldn't! Too stressed to enjoy my current favorite water activity. So I came home.

I did some non-wedding things. My town - for whatever stroke of brilliance - decided to cancel their recycling pick-up program. Genius, right? But I kept my recycling bin and when it gets full I take it down to the public works where there is a large recycling container in the parking lot. But man, what a chore! It had been at least 6 weeks - maybe 8 - since I took that thing...bad idea in the summer time! And worse, during those 6 weeks we had 3 or 4 sets of guests so the recycling was full of beer bottles. And of course the stale beer had fermented in the sun...it was only a 5 minute car ride to the public works office, but it felt like eternity. I had to put all the windows down. When I stopped for lights or traffic, in those moments the stench wafted up and then as I started to move again, the movement of air cycled the stench throughout the car. I thought I was going to puke. Retelling the story later to Chris he said:

"I've never seen you gag. I'd like to."

Great. Then nasty liquid of some form leaked onto my car interior giving the pleasant smell a lingering only wet carpet can have. I got home, cleaned the car, gave the recycling bin a pitiful shower of vinegar (being that I haven't been to the grocery and am out of all other disinfecting essentials) and all-in-all felt better than I had even on the boat! Moving slowly back to being me and not the bride-to-be. And felt better about it all!

Irony

Just the fact that I am writing - or about to write - about this particular topic is ironic...but here goes...

Yesterday (if you read) I about had the worst nervous breakdown I have experienced in 31 years. Really. All over flowers - their inclusion, exclusion, color, and hue. FLOWERS! I am a smart, capable, adult woman. But I was almost brought to my knees yesterday in insecurity and self-doubt. So after hoola hooping the majority of the anxiety away (my new moment of meditation) I started asking myself the hard questions. Like what is up? What's really going on? It can't possibly just be flowers - and that's where I got some of the insights I posted on yesterday. But today, still at a height of wedding frenzy things seemed to have taken on a different hue themselves.

It started with a talk with my best friend. She's an awesome woman. If I gave you her name and you googled it, you'd see that she ain't no dummy. And in our talk today she said:

"You know Sarah, when I got married the internet was not what it is today. We got engaged and I went and got a few magazines and they were it for the extent of my wedding planning. All the ideas were either solely my vision, based on the magazines, or based on friends' tales of weddings they had been in or attended."

That's not how my experience is panning out. EVERYONE is a wedding expert and all this expert information is available for me, an absolute novice, 24/7. Websites, blogs (look irony again!), google image searches, florists, floral supply stores, DIY wedding extravaganzas...it's all happening. It's ALL happening. And opinions are truly like a(&^*les..everyone's got one.

So I'm barraged, I thought after, BFs tale. It's information overload...anyone in my position would be freaking out. But the truth is that I've allowed the overload. No one is forcing this stuff on me. I'm sitting in front of the computer. I'm obsessively searching. So why?

The truth is I'm absolutely petrified. Not with the flowers, and maybe not even so much with pulling off a good party. The truth is I'm tying up my life with someone else's life for better for worse. And things could probably get worse. As husband-to-be said today:

"This could go poorly."

But can I say that - admit my fear - without the sharp intake of breath, aghast at the thought...am I...doubting? Noooooooooooooo...no one doubts...do they? Surely a divorce rate of over 50% couldn't indicate something is awry with this lack of doubt, could it? Could it be that this massive industry for which I have willingly gone into up to my neck is purposefully all consuming and overwhelming? If I'm so concerned about the color of my wedding flowers, or if people have enough to eat, or if they're having fun, if I'm having fun, if you're having fun then there is simply no room in my pea brain to even remotely ponder the bigger issue - that things could go poorly. Not just with the wedding. With LIFE.

I love Chris for many reasons. Today I especially loved him because we talked about this. I shared. He shared. We were able to laugh about it. Together, we gained more understanding about our own hearts and our own journey because we were honest. He saw traits in himself lately that, though his own, are mimicking mine in many regards. Together, talking about our doubts, our fears, our concern of becoming just one of the legions of starter marriages, we grew closer.

Is that irony?

Who Gets These Ideas?

Ughhh...for the last 2.5 hours I have sat in front of this stupid computer...contemplating wedding flowers. I'm so aggravated right now.

See, my first thought was find something in season...looked around, figured it out, and lo and behold calla lilies are in season in September! Sweet! But in the last two days I've really rethought my calla lily plan. The calla lily plan had merged into calla lily and orchids for my hair plan. Then my mauve scheme turned into white for the bridesmaids and mauve for me plus white orchids for my hair. THEN...it turned into multi-colored callas for me...mauve orchids for my hair...and it was getting way out of hand.

Soooooooo...I scrapped it.

And this morning decided on gerbera daisies and sunflowers. More fun, more colorful, more casual...and cheaper (yay!). Now, one migraine later, I find myself searching color pallets online and trying to decide if the shade of orange and pink will get washed out by the aqua bridesmaids dresses and if the yellow of the sunflowers will really go with any of it...and...and...and...

Eff it.

I'm going to get the daisies. I'm going to get the sunflowers. When they arrive 2 days before the wedding I will look at them. They will be fine. They will be bright and colorful and hopefully loud. Yes, I think I've just decided right this second that the louder they are the better. I want to stand on top of the church and scream "I DON'T CARE!"

Wow. I'm really angry right now. I think I'm angry at myself for getting caught up in this wedding crap. I'm definately not happy that husband to be is out of town for three weeks - but that's really a minor issue. I can complain about him being gone and not able to help, but I think that's just covering up for a bigger issue. I shouldn't be freaking out over flowers. I shouldn't be freaking out over what people think.

Is that it?

Is it that suddenly my need to please people is coming to a place where I can't ignore it? I - like everyone else - want everyone to look at me and want to be with me or be me. I want them to see how cool I am, how beautiful I am, I want them to walk away saying that was the best damn wedding I've ever been to. And chances are high that just ain't gonna happen.

When I was a kid, I was painfully shy. I never wanted to stand in front of people because I was sure they would make fun of me. I never wanted to have a birthday party because I felt this huge amount of pressure on me that everyone think it was THE GREATEST party ever. The one party I did have (first grade) I was so stressed the whole time I didn't have fun. I was constantly checking the demeanor of the other kids and working so hard to please them. I think this might be the same freaking thing. Me obsessively checking the different colors of daisies and reading and re-reading the same stupid customer reviews over and over again this morning is not about making sure everything's alright with the wedding. It's about me trying to feel like everything's alright with me from an external, superficial, unimportant judge.

Wow. And I just remembered that 2 hours ago I brewed myself some camomile tea. I bet it's still sitting in the kitchen.

Slow Week...or...How a Theme was Born Part Deux

So, even though I haven't posted for a few days, the mad wedding craziness has been subdued this week. Which is good! Because I was starting to feel a lot overwhelmed. The wedding invitations went out a week ago today and we've already gotten a few RSVPs back. Exciting! And stressful! I think having an invitation in hand for a guest, or getting an RSVP back for us, makes this more real. It's not a dream, it's not something we're mulling over...we're really doing it...in 2 months and 1 day.

What's been cool is the response to our invitations. When we made this jump about 5 weeks ago, the first thing I looked for were invitations. I knew I wanted something modern, fun, casual, colorful...nothing with silk bows on the top and script font. But the price! Yikes! So my great idea was to pull in brother (who's a graphic designer) to do the invite and save money, but both he and I quickly learned that the cost is in the printing. It really wasn't substantially cheaper to have him design something and print it out through a printing company. So alternatives began forming.

Now, from this point on, I will admit (and I think I admitted it in an earlier post) that if I had to do the invites over again I would do it differently simply because I've learned a lot of options for invitations in the last few weeks. But with what I knew at the time I simply started doing a google search for invitations - not specifically wedding invitations. I was getting the feeling that you add the word "wedding" onto anything and the cost goes up by like 50%.

So of course, one of the top options is the ubiquitous Target. Ah Target. How I love thee. And I found these super cute invites right off the bat: Cherry Blossom Invite. I loved them. I love pink. I love how it wasn't an uber girly design...I just loved everything about them...most of all I loved the price. However, the BFF came home and wasn't as enthralled with their pinkness or their flowers as I was. Off to Target we went, only to have him come to a fuller conclusion upon looking at them that they were just too feminine.

But right next to my pink ones were two boxes...and two boxes only...of a very simple invitations with green border and a green palm tree. We grabbed them and took them home and you can see the basic result.

Very simple, but very us.

The invitations came with a link to a template software which I used, but wasn't fool proof. Though the wording looks centered in this picture, when it printed out it was definitely skewed to the left. And sometimes the d*$! things printed out crooked. And we had the only two boxes of these invitations I could possibly find. They weren't even listed on the Target website. So I was under a lot of stress to get as many correct as possible. You can also see pretty clearly in the JPG that the font is not quite the same color as the border - well, in the template software it looks exactly the same. When we first printed them out the font color was pretty darn close to the border color, but now I'm getting the RSVPs back you can see that as the ink has aged it has taken on a more yellowy-green hue.

Of course, I almost had a nervous breakdown. I had spent so much emotional energy perfecting the layout in the template software that when it wasn't coming out perfect I had this vision of every single person opening their invitations and laughing at me :) But Chris stayed more calm and simply looked me in the eye and said "If anyone doesn't like the invitation we'll simply uninvite them." And that's the attitude to have with this stuff. I was getting wrapped up in the commercialism - for the first time - and it was uncomfortable. I was second guessing the invitations that 2 days before I was totally stoked about. I was judging myself for things like not putting a piece of tissue paper in the envelopes or maybe I should've printed them on vellum so the invites would be layered or maybe I should've gotten a heavier paper weight envelope...

...but then I realized, no one cares. I care. But for everyone else, the invite is gonna get stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet. It'll become invisible with children's paintings and candid snapshots and then...horror...it'll get thrown in the trash.

So if my wedding invite to you is a little off...well..so are we :)

How a Theme Was Born

We got engaged at the beach and that was only fitting. I live at the beach. I require sea spray and sand to maintain a healthy balance in my world. So when it came to dreaming the dreams of a wedding, OF COURSE I'd get married at the beach! Duh! Where else would I get married?

But I had never really given consideration to what that would actually look like. Sometimes I perused wedding websites looking at dresses but it was more to keep my mind distracted than in a for real way. So there I was 4 weeks ago, reading articles where a "budget" wedding was one that was less than $10K, looking at pictures of people I didn't know with weddings running the gamut of "carnival themed," "harvest themed," "black-tie themed," and then the (obviously extremely popular) "beach themed."

I was not going to have a beach themed wedding. My life does not have a beach theme - it just is.

As an aside - one day Chris (aka wonderful husband to be) and I walked out to the beach to meet some friends and maybe get in some kiteboarding. Most times, we go to the beaches where people aren't - just easier that way. But today we were at a very popular tourist spot. As we walked over the wooden boardwalk, following the beacon of the kite in the sky we were stopped and a group of ladies asked us to take their picture. I like when people do that so I was happy to oblige and I took a few from different angles (nothing is worse than getting up the courage to ask a stranger to take your picture only to realize later its blurry or simply the worst picture ever). As I handed back the camera, lady #1 said "Do you have a camera?" and held out her hand.

Now this is one of those moments when the power of the human mind is staggering. In the mere millisecond it took me to process I had a thought trail something like this:

"What? Why would I have a camera? And if I did, why would I bring it to the beach? My Blackberry already has enough sand in it. Electronics at the beach are just a bad idea..."

And then the neurons fired and actually worked allowing me to answer:

"No (smiling)...we live here. But thank you."

Lady #1 stood aghast at this revelation and numbers 2-4 simply stared awkwardly as we walked away. Chris was still wondering what my answer had anything to do with her question, which was clearly a yes/no answer. I continued walking down the beach on a normal afternoon in my beach themed life.

Why would I want a beach themed wedding?

Reason #34523

See...this is exactly why I'm trying to stay away from such traditions! Thanks to Cristina for waking me up this morning with a good laugh!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090715/ap_on_fe_st/eu_odd_italy_bouquet_crash

Never thought I'd be a blogger...

...but I had pretty much given up on being a bride too. So whatcha know?! Here I am typing a blog to strangers AND trying to plan a wedding on a super limited budget with a super wonderful husband-to-be (I'm not really into fiance/fiancee mostly because I can't remember how to spell it properly and it's like I'm trying to be euro-hip every time I talk about him) who would like to invite all of his high school and college friends though they may not have spoken in...oh...three years.

We've been dating about a year, engaged about a month, and we are getting married in September. September 19th to be exact. There was just no point in waiting, ya know? So on the plus side I don't have a year (or years) to stress over this stuff, but for the time being it is all consuming. But in a fun way. Being on a budget, I'm having to learn and compromise, and I'm finding out I'm pretty good at this wedding stuff. Yet, my anxiety is pretty high and I need a place to detox from the wedding, so to speak, and get back to the things that are important to me.

So, hopefully you'll enjoy this ride with me! If you have any comments or suggestions, please post them! I've already learned so much in the past 4 weeks...for instance, if I had this last month to do over again I would've done my invitations TOTALLY DIFFERENTLY. But, that's the way this wedding stuff is. Maybe if you're as anti-bride minded as I am, this learning curve o' mine can save you some time and mistakes.

But no regrets, right? It's only a wedding for-the-love-of-all-that's-good!